Sales Letter Hype – what not to do

Tired of caring for that incompetent, whiny, and ridiculously small family member? We’ve got the solution…

Turn your toddler into a cash-sucking, money-making machine! Send her to MegaToddler Day Care!

Dear Ambitious Parent,

Sick of wussy day cares that tolerate babbling, clumsy behavior in your child? Wish he could help more around the house? Or even better, contribute to the family income?

Have we got a solution for you!

At MegaToddler Day Care, we harness the incredible income potential of toddlers. They’re cute, they attract attention, and frankly, some of them are capable of much more than they let on.

Don’t settle for lazy toddlers who can’t pull their weight in the family! At MegaToddler, we split them into three groups and each one attracts money like steel pins to a magnet:

  1. If your child is exceptionally cute, we funnel him into our fast-track modeling program, where he’ll learn the lucrative field of child modeling.
  1. Does she like banging the keys on the computer? We’ll place her in our PC Babies class, where she’ll learn to use our patented Web Wabbit Site Builder software. She’ll learn to create lead-generating squeeze pages that funnel her prospects to proven affiliate programs.
  1. If your child has no particular skills and isn’t all that cute, we’ll put him into our MusicMoney program. No one can resist musical bands that feature toddlers. They don’t even care if they suck at the instruments, they just think it’s adorable – adorable enough to buy truckloads of CDs. We manage 27 toddler bands right now and each one has a hot-selling album and a touring contract. Will yours be next?

 

  “I was so tired from changing diapers and feeding my child while getting nothing in return. Now, Joey is potty trained, makes his own peanut butter sandwiches, and his website generates such a good income that my husband was able to retire from his job! Thanks, MegaToddler!”

– Ivana Napalday

“I was so worried about Suzy ‘cause truthfully, she’s a pretty ugly baby and she just doesn’t have a lot of skills. But at MegaToddler they taught her to play the triangle, put her in a band, and now she’s a rock star! And we’re raking in the dough. What a relief! We thought Suzy would be leaching off us into her twenties but she’s already supporting us and she’s not even three!”

– I.C. Cash

Our toddlers typically earn an average of $83,762.83 a year. With an ROI like that, you’d think our program costs at least $30,000 a year! But no, you can enroll your child in MegaToddler day care for not $30,000, not $25,000, not even $20,000.

Your child’s annual tuition is a mere $15,000 a year! That means you actually make money on this deal, to the tune of $68,762.83!

You’d have to be a complete idiotic moron to pass up on this deal!!!

But hurry up, we only have 37 spaces left – wait, it just went down to 32, now it’s 28… you’d better hurry!!

Sign your child up right now by emailing monetize-my-toddler@megatoddler.com.

Best wishes for your financial success,

IM Anidiot

MegaToddler Day Care

P.S. Every day you delay is another $1610.82 down the tube! Rush now to enroll your child in MegaToddler Day Care!! Do it TODAY! I mean RIGHT NOW!

 

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